Aymes
Chatted with Amy till 3 in the morning. The last time we chatted late into the nite, we were 18 and at the swimming camp. I still have my diary notes of that in the little scraps of paper somewhere. The conversation now is less angst-ridden but still full of gossip.
Aymes, as I like to call her, has travelled a lot and in fact, even travel quite often on her own for vacation. She has been to Latvia, Estonia, the Baltics, etc. She has even been on the Oriental Express! The trip was won from a dinner and dance lucky draw. She said she and her sister were the only asians on the trip. The rest of the passengers were europeans who find sceneries of passing padi fields and tropical forest fascinating. Much like us getting excited about snow. They also had to dress up formally for every meal.
She has done most of her work in govt; been in the tourism board and at some point in her career, involved in censorship committee meetings where they review a controversial movie, and discuss if the movie should be snipped or banned and the impact it would have on family life or teenagers.
She also shared some things which she learned from the courses at work and from a psychatrist friend: How to communicate - you must first know what you want and ask for the right thing! Most people don't or they ask for what they want in an indirect way which causes mis-communications, problems and side effects.
She also gave an example of bad communication, quite typical of authority figures. A child runs all over the place. The parent tells the child,"please don't run around". Since the child cannot run around, he moves to jump on the sofa, then the parent says,"don't jump on the sofa". So the child starts to get resentful because everything he does is wrong and he doesn't know what his parents want. What would be more effective is if the parent tells the child he wants him to sit down and specifically on a spot. Then the child knows what is the right thing to do instead of all the things he cannot do. By using "Don't" too often, the parent also wrongly builds imaginary limits in the child's mind.
Interesting how simple phrasing can make such a big difference.
Aymes, as I like to call her, has travelled a lot and in fact, even travel quite often on her own for vacation. She has been to Latvia, Estonia, the Baltics, etc. She has even been on the Oriental Express! The trip was won from a dinner and dance lucky draw. She said she and her sister were the only asians on the trip. The rest of the passengers were europeans who find sceneries of passing padi fields and tropical forest fascinating. Much like us getting excited about snow. They also had to dress up formally for every meal.
She has done most of her work in govt; been in the tourism board and at some point in her career, involved in censorship committee meetings where they review a controversial movie, and discuss if the movie should be snipped or banned and the impact it would have on family life or teenagers.
She also shared some things which she learned from the courses at work and from a psychatrist friend: How to communicate - you must first know what you want and ask for the right thing! Most people don't or they ask for what they want in an indirect way which causes mis-communications, problems and side effects.
She also gave an example of bad communication, quite typical of authority figures. A child runs all over the place. The parent tells the child,"please don't run around". Since the child cannot run around, he moves to jump on the sofa, then the parent says,"don't jump on the sofa". So the child starts to get resentful because everything he does is wrong and he doesn't know what his parents want. What would be more effective is if the parent tells the child he wants him to sit down and specifically on a spot. Then the child knows what is the right thing to do instead of all the things he cannot do. By using "Don't" too often, the parent also wrongly builds imaginary limits in the child's mind.
Interesting how simple phrasing can make such a big difference.
posted by Fiery at Friday, October 28, 2005
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